Out of Air, Wind and Mist ~ A story in progress

I have so much going on in my head... and taking on other peoples negative trash is not what I had in mind. It came out of nowhere, this angry lashing out at me. I know I have done nothing wrong, I don't deserve to be treated as a punching bag. And now expected to just forget like nothing happened... I will take the heat and release the feelings I have because I don't want to hold on to this anger.

Emotions is Energy in motion. This past week I have been experiencing a Flood of Emotions. From grateful and Blessed to scattered and stressed. At the same time A real Flood has hit in my town and surrounding areas. I didn't think that this had anything do do with me, but I was a complete mess. I could feel the vibration of current within me. I was on edge and jittery. I was irritated. I couldn't understand at the time what was going on. A confusion of which path I need to take. I needed to calm down, because I was on the verge of Panic. Has my anxiety returned? I fought this thought, rejected it and yelled my protest. No way in Hella was I going to let anxiety control my everyday again. I am growing accustomed to my new calm mind. My calm body, and way of life. I found a meditation to listen to: how to connect with my higher self. Because when I am physically stressed, My cerebral palsy locks me in a paralytic vice, that grows tighter and the pain is bonkers, to be honest ...

An interesting thing happened last night. I noticed I was very agitated. Holding on to Anger. Long term anger can manifest as irritability. This was so intense for me, that I was vibrating in shakiness. Not a good feeling. So as I went to bed, I decided to clear away this energy. Little did I realize how much crud I was still holding on to. Let me explain. You see, I never liked the emotion of Anger. In fact I was utterly terrified to ever express this Emotion. Growing up, My parents fought a lot. I hated confrontation. I tried to avoid this at all costs. My Dad was also drinking a lot and a Major Ass. Now I say this with Love now. You might be thinking What? Why would you ever say this about your Dad. Well He knows this is true. He calls things as he sees them and really is not at all good at relationships. This comes from his upbringing, Our relationship now is really good. After 30 years I finally have a Dad. I love him, and know who he is. This in turn, has helped me understand m...

I have a shirt I just got that Says Sorry Not Sorry. I absolutely love it! I constantly say Sorry. For things that has nothing to do with me. I say Sorry for being me! I mean Really???!!! like no! no more apologies for being who I am. I mean I say this word so frequently that even my own almost 3 year old daughter is saying it just because. What a limiting word sorry can be! Sorry Not sorry for being me! 💙💜💙 I am who I am. quirky, lovable, bubbly me. I love the discovery of who I am! it is so exhilarating. So freeing! My heart sings and is joyous as I write this. I can actually feel the difference in the changing of limiting words. Limiting beliefs. Try it. is there something weighing you down? look within, fing that passion. find that inner child Goddess. She is there waiting. Give her a big hug,. Thank you for being patient with me as I free myself from Sorry. Sorry Not Sorry for loving who I am! 💙💜💙

I am learning more about myself every day. What is coming to the surface. what is unfolding. I am learning to accept myself as I am. Love myself as I am. Who I am reclaiming to be. It is exciting and thrilling. Yes there is work. But Working on becoming a better version on myself is what I have always wanted. Now that I have a taste for this, I don't want to let it go. This is so much different than the times I have tried before. This time I created a space to love and thrive in. That has made such a huge difference! I am literally feeling the emotional pain and weight leave my body. It feels like I am breathing with gratitude and relief. For the first time in my 32 years of life, I feel like everyone else. I feel normal. As someone with cerebral palsy, how liberating that is! I am looking forward to finding more discoveries. I hope that you are too.

What Can I say? I am in a better place now. I could not have told you this even a month ago. My Mother works from beyond the veil. This I know to be true. I love where I am going. What I am doing. I love who I am becoming. A smile is on my face as I write this, I love me, wholeheartedly!