Out of Air, Wind and Mist ~ A story in progress

I hate going to my husband's family for the holidays. It stresses me out. Too much conflict and bad vibes between us.... Then there is my Mom, who landed on the shores of the Summerland around Yule time, nearly 4 years ago now. I am feeling a little depression from it all. But my girls bring the magic out somehow.

Yes, I am stressed and a mess.... My medical insurance is ending, I guess I am along with the other uninsured and somehow hubby will see me through this. I am weaning off the cane. It has left me exhausted. My Ed is going bonkers. I hardly ate anything yesterday and today just a breakfast sandwich. I have lost 4 pounds. My mil is coming this weekend ughs 😔 Sorry my thoughts are scattered. I am feeling overwhelmed and alone by everything. My antidepressants only have 3 more months so I guess I will see what happens after that....

I know I am starting to have ED symptoms again. My sister is worried and so is my husband. It is not about the food I decided to eat that day. But a need to control my environment. I am feeling very out of control with the new baby....

I need to take a moment and pause. I need to find my ground again and balance my thoughts. My life feels like it has gone off course. Been this way for awhile now, I just need to get it back on track. Oh, where do I even begin? It seems I don't want to even sort out what I am doing, how I am feeling, let alone the everyday monotone of being a stay-at-home Mom and Wife. I honestly ignore most things now. I just want nothing more than to zone out to YouTube on my phone and sleep. how sad is that? So I am taking a moment to collect my thoughts, Gather the motivation and inspiration I need to shift my life in a more positive direction.  Let this be mu New years resolution for 2019. Out with the old, in with the new as the say.