Out of Air, Wind and Mist ~ A story in progress

Not really doom. Just me being dramatic 🙄 But I do feel alone in this 😕 My eating habits are gross 😝 I don't know how to stop the binging...  I honestly don't know what to say, that will make things easier,  go away... I just don't know what to do.  I am lost and confused 

 I am doing the best I can.  I work out,  I try to eat normal.  Some days I eat well. Others I under eat. Today most of my calories were in one meal and now I feel guilty..... Then there is my husband and his work schedule.  I try to be understanding but Today is Easter and I literally saw him for 10 minutes today.  I am sad and frustrated 😞 😔 😪 

 I have decided a week ago to start over. To reinvent myself.  My image. Glow the .... up. I tried in the past and failed.  Obviously.  Something happened. I can't explain why or what happened.  But let me back up and try to explain.   3 years ago,  I had my PAO hip surgery.  Major trauma 💔 😢 😪  I will tell that story later on. But for now all you need to know is that after surgery I felt weak. I felt so different.  A stranger to myself.  I no longer knew who I was. I let the cerebral palsy control me.  My pain. My emotions,  everything.  Physically I grew tired of trying to walk. I binged on foods. Chips. Chocolate. Cookies.  Anything I could eat, I would.  For years.   So naturally I gained wait.  Now I grew sad.  Always watching my kids play.  I want to play with them.  But couldn't.  I was too in pain and exhausted.  I said  enough! I have had enough....